This year has been really tough so far. This past Saturday my grandmother died, her funeral was yesterday and I was a pall-bearer. She was 76, she's been through a lot but she always remained happy and upbeat no matter what. I honestly thought she had at least a few more years in her but that's life. Tomorrow really is never guaranteed. Since this month started I've been in this anxiety filled, crazy nightmare. But now that the funeral is done, I think everything in my mind is starting to cool down finally. Over the two weeks I wonder if I bothered a certain friend of mine too much. She'd say no but sometimes I feel like I am, but the thing is I don't know if that's legit or if it's just paranoia. I was just trying to find a way to take my mind off of things by chatting with her. The paranoia is a result of certain bad experiences in my childhood. Though I've been very good about that for years, it was probably just anxiety and stress that activated it.
Financially I don't know what's going to happen. My grandmother was my mom's boss and the only real breadwinner. If I had a steady job this wouldn't be a problem. I might still have internet but I know we have to do a lot of cutting down on stuff. I'll probably go to Florida, get a job there keep writing my comics and keep on the career path to being a writer. If I make enough money I'll head down to Anime Expo.
With my back to the wall, I'm going to have to kick things up to a much higher notch and work like crazy to at least have something to show people. Have comic scripts written, have character designs done. Possibly even revamp my graphic design portfolio so I can look for work in that field (boy am I glad I went to school for that) to earn some extra money. BTW if you want to help buying prints is probably what's best. Kind of don't have... a... paypal... anymore. Unless you want to commission me via check or Western Union. No? Yeah, didn't think so.
The song mentioned in my journal is here : www.youtube.com/watch?v=0WEVtw…